19 years of ENJOYING THE DIFFERENCES

19 years..

And here I am today on the day of the year that encourages me to introspect the past year and grab everything that it had to offer for the years to come.   For me it is almost like a tax return filing process where I evaluate all my checks & balances ,  P & L and plan the coming years more effectively and fruitful. (time to shut the business mind off while writing this ..)

Until now most of us who have been married for years have learnt, read and heard from people to understand and accept the differences between Husband and wife.  It is very clear and apparent that most couples are aware of the fact that their partner is usually different from them in various ways and have learnt to accept most of the differences.  well. Here I am not talking about “ACCEPTING” the difference.. I am talking about “ENJOYING” the differences. 

When we go out to buy clothes or car, don’t we try to get something which is different and then we enjoy it being different from others.. ?  then why not ENJOY the DIFFERENCES with your spouse ?

In my observations,  primarily these are the areas of differences that can be really Enjoyed. 

1. Our Brains & Thinking patterns : 

Men usually tend to focus on one thing at a time and stay on that task until it is completed. On the other hand, women can do multiple tasks at a time, sometimes completing them or starting them and leaving them for later.   Women can enjoy being married to a focused man and Men can enjoy having a multitasker partner.

2. Relationship & communicating Styles :

Usually in my observation, women grow closer by sharing emotions , while men tend to develop relationships by Doing things together.  Men find long emotional stories a bit boring as they are used to TO THE POINT discussions of problem solving but believe me sometimes just listening to those emotional stories where at the end you are not supposed to take any action are quite entertaining like a web series or a  K JO Movie.  Try to enjoy them.. it works..

3. Our Values :

Men usually value expression of power or efficiency.  Women usually value neatness and order..  This is one area where a thrown towel on the floor or socks in the corner can become a great source of argument in my experience.. but if both husband and wife try to acknowledge this difference in positive sense and do the things that the other person likes, I guess, the enjoyment can be experienced for both.   

I can go on and on as the differences are many and quite customised for each couple.  Usually, I like to spend money on gadgets that may not be necessary and Kinjal is a stingy shopper who stops me and makes me think twice.. Now this is a difference, that taken positively can be enjoyment and negatively can become an argument. Its all about the conscious choices that we make. 

In 2020 , we all had a great opportunity to spend a lot of time with our spouse during Lockdown.  It was a forced opportunity but it gave a lot of time of staying together whole day and learn to know each other’s day patterns which otherwise was always taken for granted.    For example.. for all husbands know that their wives  manage the house during the day.. But the intricacies of daily household challenges is something they learnt first hand during lockdown.   Similarly, wives think that husbands have a comfortable working environment in offices , travel but when they see husbands working with stressed situations on zoom meetings at home, they can understand how stressful it can get to work even in a cozy comfortable office. 

While taking this opportunity to express my gratitude and love towards Kinjal for the 19 years of Togetherness with Differences on this wonderful day of our wedding Anniversary, I want to end by quoting something that I had read somewhere.

Men and women are equal — but that does not mean they are the same. God created men and women to be different, and one key to a great marriage is to work with His design rather than against it.

Stay Safe  Stay blessed.  Cheers .