22 Years of Love, Laughter, and Endless Embrace: Takeaways for an amazing relationship

When you see this image first, what is it that you see in it ?

Two swans floating together.. Right?

To me, it looks like number 22.. A number that is very significant today in my life.

It's our 22nd Wedding Anniversary today and the picture reminds me of all the 21 years that have gone by. I always feel that an anniversary is an annual celebration not only of the Joys that you have had but also an opportunity to introspect the time gone by and make amends as needed for a better time to come.

Today, I want to share 21 takeaways from the 21 years of our marriage that I feel can make an impact on any couple in a relationship. Why not 22.. Just bcoz the first year was spent trying understand each other. Here they are..

1 - It is critical to spend time alone with your spouse.

This can be difficult due to kids being around all the time or duties about your parents, but it is necessary. Schedule private evenings whenever feasible. Spend time alone when kids are out. Drive around. This sounds simple but adds a lot of value.

2 - Love is a decision, not a feeling

There will be occasions when you DO NOT FEEL LOVED by your partner. It’s normal. Just act lovingly on your part and see the magic. The feeling of being loved will return in due course.

3 - Expect the Best

Always assume that your spouse’s motives are always good. Instead of getting angry when he does something you don't agree with, try to see things from his/her perspective. It's far better to err on the side of positive thoughts about your spouse than the other way around.

4 – Watch out your thoughts.

Examine your ideas. Do you have a favourable opinion of your spouse always? Do you obsess about the negative things about your spouse or positive attributes? Are you happy outside but irritated inside? This will cut-off the joy from your marriage, and your partner will have no idea what's wrong. Be watchful and correct yourself wherever you need.

5 - Sense of Humour is Required

Life does have its hardest moments. Laughter is a better option than tears. Make jokes and laugh when he/she does. Accepts Jokes about you and make jokes about the other one. Have a husband-wife banter the way we love to see it in The Kapil Sharma Show. Stop being so serious about yourself. If you want to have an enjoyable marriage, MAKE IT SO!

6 - Never Use the Letter "D"

Marriage is a long-term commitment. You and your spouse must agree not to threaten each other with divorce. Make no jokes about leaving. It's not an option. When you're going through a difficult period, you both must understand that you're in this together and that you can rely on each other.

7 - Allow each other some time to cool off.

Let's be honest: we all feel furious and annoyed at times. Leave your spouse alone when he/she is unhappy. Allow them to calm down before bombarding with questions. Talk about it when your spouse is ready. Don't put any pressure.

8 - Praise Your Spouse to Others

When you're talking about your spouse to others, make sure your words are nice. Don't make it a habit to whine about your partner. The power of positivity works wonders here. Don’t bitch about your spouse.

9 - Express gratitude

We all want to feel that our efforts are appreciated. Appreciate what your spouse is already doing for you if you want him/her to do even more for you.

10 - Don't keep track of who is doing the most

Be prepared to go the additional mile. This is not business where partnerships are supposed to be just equal as on agreement. Try to exceed your 50 % while giving in the relationship and you will see that the other one will also do the same. The best marriages are those in which both spouses put forth 100% of their effort.

11 - Forget the Past

Everyone makes errors. Nobody likes to get smacked over the head for things we've done in the past. When someone asks for forgiveness for anything, you must be prepared to let it go.

12 – Respect the religious beliefs of your partner

Couples who pray together remain together. Even if you are not the religious type as your partner, try to be together where needed. Never challenge the religious belief of your partner. It is an individual choice.

13 - Let Your Spouse Take the Lead as appropriate

There is no thumb-rule that only Husbands can lead. Each partner must give the opportunity to lead to the other one as needed. Stop attempting to control every issue. Let the person lead who is good at that and ready to take responsibility of outcome. Even if he/she fails once, you will have a better judgement next time.

14 - Partners have different desires

Studies have proven that Women want love. Men want respect. If you want your husband to love you, you must first respect him. Respect his viewpoints. Recognize his efforts. If you want your wife to respect you, give unconditional love and the respect will follow. Trust me.. this works.

15 - Bite Your Tongue

Just because you have an idea does not imply you have to share it with your partner immediately. Consider your options before speaking. Words are important in relationship communication !

16 – You do not always have to be Right

Do you want a partner or do you want to be right? None of us is always correct, no matter how much we believe we are. If you are ready to give up this right, you will be surprised at how frequently your spouse will apologize after some thought.

17 - Tell your partner What You Want!

In my observation, Women frequently can sense the needs of others and meet those needs without having to speak them. Men typically lack this talent. Don't force your husband to read your thinking. If you just tell him what you want, you'll save both of you a lot of trouble.

18 - Pick Your Time Wisely

It's not a good idea to confront our spouses immediately after they get home from work or right before bed. If you want to discuss anything with your spouse, make sure he/she is in the correct state of mind to do so.

19 - Pay Attention to your spouse

Women find it simple to talk to their spouses, but Men find it more difficult to listen. To understand what they are attempting to express, ask questions to your Spouse. That will bring attention and also create a sense of being heard on both sides.

20 - What Is your Love Language?

There are five primary methods in which we might demonstrate love to others. Words of praise, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical contact. These are examples of love languages. Determine your spouse's preferred love language. Each one is different so be proactive about offering your spouse love in the language that is best suited. It works.

21. Have Reasonable Expectations

It's critical to remember that our spouses are human, and they will make errors. They will also do things that will harm us or let us down. We will be disappointed if we anticipate marriage to be a fairy tale. We can never be satisfied if we expect our spouses to meet all of our requirements. Many of us have inaccurate ideas of how our relationships with our spouse should appear because of Romantic movies – Books and TV series. We will have a lot healthier relationships if we don't expect our spouses to be flawless.

Please keep in mind that, while I am aware that these concerns are critical, as we are currently working on implementing them for us, sharing this for the benefit of those whom it may help to try out.

I hope that the things I've learnt will aid in the strengthening of your relationship with your spouse. In fact, if you apply most of these principles to your interactions with anyone, you will discover that it will bring you closer together and allow you to form ties that will last.

Cheers to us for the 22 years of togetherness and many more to come.