So.. What changed between 17th and 18th Anniversary

          Since the time i woke up this morning with phone / messages of Anniversary wishes, until this evening, i have been trying to figure out what is it that changed from our last year anniversary to this year..  If I look at it superficially, nothing much has changed in the last year and hence there is no motivation for me to put my thoughts together for another blog this year.

But….

When I look at those small things that have changed making a bigger impact on our lives, I realise that every year and every day that passes by has impacted both our lives and our relationship in different ways.  One of the apparent change is that I have more Grey hair than I had last year and so does Kinjal.  

Is that a sign of ageing or sign of maturity..  ? Puts my mind into a thought provoking whirlwind and here is what i think of it..

EXPECTATIONS 

Usually getting married comes with all sorts of expectations. We usually use the words like “forever” and “lifetime” when we talk about our marriages.  I would summarise it all in a catchy word that I heard in one of the songs.

“Growing Older Together”

So what does that mean for US.. ( I mean Kinjal and Myself).

Usually the expectations that are attached with marriage are  Ideal love, romantic love, passion, desire, connection etc. etc.. Do you all think these all will last forever? Let us be honest, for some of us I think they will last longer but trust me , there are a lot of variables that determine longevity in a wedded life. 

Expectations is primarily one of them.  Rigidity and unwillingness to change, grow, and adopt to new things  will definitely affect the longevity of a married life. 

We don’t remain the same people over the years as we grow. Not emotionally, not mentally, and certainly not physically. Age increases, time passes , and we are vulnerable to their impact on our lives and our relationships.

EXPECTATIONS V/s REALITY

Change is the ONLY Constant thing in our lives and that is the REAL THING.  Our interactions with each other and our experiences with the outside world cause us to grow and evolve into the people that we become. If we are open and willing to change, we will  evolve and grow as individuals and as a great couple for the rest of our lives. There is never an age or time when learning and growth stops. It never needs to.

I can see pure evolvement within myself over these years and same thing with Kinjal too.. I have evolved from someone extremely short tempered and stubborn to be more calm composed and flexible over a period time.  Kinjal  who was possessive , highly over sensitive  to issues has evolved into a  more relaxed and less sensitive and much understanding human being.

According to me the secret to a long standing relationship is for both of us  to accept the fact that the other one will never be the same person they were 10, 20, 30 years ago.  The moment we start accepting this fact, we are able to welcome the changes  within ourselves and our partner. 

To put this more positively, how exciting it would be that in a long-term wedded life you get to be with a new person throughout that timeline.  Though you have the same wife or Husband every year but with an upgraded OS as we have with our phones.   

Every change bring you a partner who is someone new to discover and to fall more deeply in love with and find new faults too … (kidding).

Ageing with a loving partner requires acceptance of physical changes, especially with entry of Menopause / Andropause, there will be  inability to do what we once did, and a courage to accept / support and move on. 

It’s all like fluid, dynamic & daily evolving.  In our 17 years of togetherness, we have never ever dared to go on a secluded vacation together with only two of us (Without any friends / family)  and this year, we have thought and planned it..  It may  sound funny but for both of us it is one of the most courageous thing that we have ever done and we are strongly looking forward to it.. 

At the end, all is well that ends well and if it is not well, it is not an end..  It’s always a new beginning so while entering this 19th year of wedded life, I just want to share the same or even higher sense of appreciation to my better half and share my thoughts with the outer world without whom we are incomplete. 

As I had read some time ago.. quoting a beautiful quote from Robert Browning before ending my blog.

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.”   

Happy Anniversary to US.